After my extensive interviews with lots of female inmates, I had come to the conclusion that most of the female inmates were more than familiar with anal love-making and they had no hang-ups like most of the older female civilian population about it being a deviant form of sex.I remembered my two younger sisters telling me they both let their boyfriends “do it” back there because it beat worrying about a condom and they certainly didn’t want to have to make an announcement at the breakfast table that they were pregnant and didn’t actually know who the father was.Thinking back to those days, I remembered that the thought of my two innocent sisters pulling down their panties and letting some guy give it to them in their backside was erotic beyond belief. I was far too indoctrinated by the Sunday school teachings to ever consider using either of my sister’s bottoms for humping practice, but the image stuck in my brain and I found that I spent a lot more time studying on their teenaged. I thought, maybe later, but she spiraled down. Hospice was called.I can't even grieve, not around anyone I know. Her husband could, though. He couldn't stop crying at the visitation. He tried to be brave, but he couldn't do it. I've never seen anyone so stricken. He shook my hand and mumbled "hello" while his daughter held his other hand and their minister kept butting in to tell him how all things work together for good to them that love God. I think he remembered me from when our kids took strings together, but who knows? What I remember was feeling his big hand in mine and seeing his eyes all wet and his face red and wanting to smack that fat, red face.She wanted you, you stupid son of a bitch. She wanted you, not me. I was just a substitute. It was always you, but you wouldn't give her what she needed and now it's too late.It was crowded in the funeral home. Everyone was there because everybody knew Miriam and everyone liked her, so it took forever to reach the front of the line..
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